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EPHEMERAL

by Mr.Kitty

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about

Dedicated to Kahlas Austin Stambaugh (1994 - 2018).
You're not alone: 1-800-273-8255

credits

released March 8, 2019

license

all rights reserved

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Mr.Kitty Austin, Texas

𝔖𝔢𝔩𝔣-𝔡𝔢𝔰𝔱𝔯𝔲𝔠𝔱𝔦𝔳𝔢 𝔖𝔶𝔫𝔱𝔥𝔭𝔬𝔭

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Track Name: Wait
tolle animam meam (x4)

I was lost / You were there to find me
When I joked / You were there to laugh
I was sad / You could make me happy
As I broke / You could put me back

You were lost / I couldn’t find you
Couldn’t laugh / When I needed light
Didn’t know / You were this unhappy
When you broke / What could I do

There was no / Warning or a sign
As you went / To the other side
Every night / I am holding tears back
I refuse / To ever say goodbye

As a promise / I’ll remember
You will never / Be in pain
When the time comes / I’ll see you
I am living / Another day
Track Name: From Liquid
In my time alone
I died a million deaths
A gaze into the glass
To memories I have kept
They show me who I’ve been
The people I have hurt
I lay myself to sleep
My power will emerge

Don’t you ever cry for me
You could never tell me you’re sorry
Get me far away from here (From liquid I’m drowning)
As my body leaves a void
Fill it up with memories that I’ve destroyed
Burden me with hate and love (From liquid I’m choking)

I used to have a heart
With pain I never felt
I tried to fall apart
For damage I have dealt
Through the broken glass
My kingdom underneath
The mirror looking back
A monster made of me

Don’t you ever cry for me
You could never tell me you’re sorry
Get me far away from here (From liquid I’m drowning)
As my body leaves a void
Fill it up with memories that I’ve destroyed
Burden me with hate and love (From liquid I’m choking)

Get me out of here (x4)

(Chorus x2)
Track Name: My Weak Side
This part of me you cannot see
It’s tightly tied to my demise
I’ve built inside, A paradise

For those who see with clarity
I’ll show you my reality
With confidence, I will confide

No matter how hard I have tried
I gave you up, I died inside
It’s you, and I and my weak side
(x2)

I shed a tear but does it help
A human form will be my shell
I give myself, It’s all for you

You give me purpose in a way
I’ll grant your wish, do as you say
My modesty begins to fade

No matter how hard I have tried
I gave you up, I died inside
It’s you, and I and my weak side
(x2)
Track Name: Disconnect Lover
Here we are
Once again
I let you down
It’s not the end
Apologize, Now we’re friends

Salted wounds
Begin to swell
The tension’s there
We know it well
You want it more, I can tell

It not up to you, It’s up to me
I’ll tell you how to set me free
You take me home, I’ll be fine
(x2)

I was numb
Through the night
Your better half
Held me tight
It felt so wrong, This wasn’t right

Through a lens
My vision bleak
There’s nothing more
For you and me
I’ll disconnect, As I leave

It not up to you, It’s up to me
I’ll tell you how to set me free
You take me home, I’ll be fine
(x2)

Here we are
Here we are
Here we are now
Track Name: The View Isn't The Same
It was on a summer night
At last I knew the time was right
In the dark I finally met you

Through the lights and heavy smoke
The lust between us tends to show
I’ll leave the crowd to get you closer

The view is not the same without you
It’s not the same without you
It’s not the same without you
(x2)

In a bath of lavender
You told me words I hadn’t heard
The music played and nothing hurt me

On my chest I let you cry
I couldn’t find the reason why
This moment seemed to last forever

The view is not the same without you
It’s not the same without you
It’s not the same without you
(x2)

(Chorus x2)
Track Name: Molt
I had it all / It caved on me
We gave the world / To be
By now you know / This heart will bleed
To the unknown / For me

In the comfort
You create
Do you wish
To be contained

Something new
Conceived through mesh
We desire
Another flesh

I had it all / It caved on me
We gave the world / To be
By now you know / This heart will bleed
To the unknown / For me

At intervals
We will shed
Our hollow shells
It’s life and death

Flowers bloom
I haven’t seen
New mutations
Inside of me

I had it all / It caved on me
We gave the world / To be
By now you know / This heart will bleed
To the unknown / For me

I had it all...
Track Name: Trauma
Smile and wave / Like everything’s okay
It’s hard to say / When this is all a game

With guilt and shame / I’ll never be the same
Give me something else to do / Cause I’m about to go insane

The king of hearts / Your favorite card to play
You win them all / And break them in a day

It’s all my fault / With nothing left to gain
Take this stupid halo off so / You can see through my charade

Trauma, trauma / I think I’m dying inside
I don’t want to be alive
Trauma, trauma / I think I hurt myself again
I don’t know where to begin

You grip me tight / I told you let me go
And as I cried / The scars begin to show

With all my rage / I’m gonna take you down
To watch you beg and plead / Before I put you in the ground

Shut your mouth / Don’t play it like we’re cool
For my revenge / I’ll break all of the rules

I hope you rot / Inside a shallow grave
This is all that you deserve / There is no need to give me praise

Trauma, trauma / I think I’m dying inside
I don’t want to be alive
Trauma, trauma / I think I hurt myself again
I don’t know where to begin
Track Name: Melting Core
O morning sky
Our luminescent light
My indigo agony heals

Soft velvet cries
Caressing like a choir
The ashen heart kindled in tears

To crave purity
With a heart to deceive
The echoes of loathing endear

Into the fire
With pain I’ve acquired
The vacancy you left for me here

Look what they’ve done to you
How can this be
I fell through
I can barely breathe
What can I do
What should I say
So you never lose
Our light’s domain
Track Name: Empty Phases
(Of all the times, the chances I have given you, you let me down)

On the first / I won’t forget
The way you said / he took his life
And left the line dead

How do you think / selfishly
You made me hurt so vacantly

You let me down / and I know it’s all because of me
You let me down / and I know it’s all because of me (cause of me)
Of all the times, the chances I have given you, you let me down

When I emerge / I will forgive
The choice that led / to giving up
But never know why

A hollow void / You keep me there
I’ll drown in tears until you care

You let me down / and I know it’s all because of me
You let me down / and I know it’s all because of me (cause of me)
Of all the times, the chances I have given you, you let me down
Track Name: I Want To Hurt Myself
To all my friends / I got a blade
A sedative / The rope tied
Thanks for everything / from the love below
Put my finger on the trigger and I’ll let it go

Electricity /at my fingertips
A gas leak / in case that I forget
I’ve got all I need / to get me out of here
Leave me be with my remorse and I will disappear

I want to hurt myself / i want to hurt myself
I want I want I want to hurt myself / I want to hurt myself

Hurry up / take me today
It always ends / the same way
My head won’t clear / when I lose control
Please don’t wake me up if I become comatose

Does it hurt / if you know
That I’m not here / you’ll be alone
I surrender now / I won’t leave a note
Let me jump, let me shoot, let me overdose

I want to hurt myself / i want to hurt myself
I want I want I want to hurt myself / I want to hurt myself

Let me jump, let me shoot, let me overdose (x4)
Track Name: Rain
As I feel you drift away
You interest turns to other things on your mind
I think I should disappear
We can never be if you don’t confide

Even though I let you choose
I’ll never know the future of you and I
The world I keep inside my head
Blurs the line of space and time
We’ll be fine

Moments in time will disappear
When blood runs dry I’ll never heal
Emotions die when you are near
I’ll close my eyes and face my fears

Even though you’re here with me
The distance in between us will still exist
Cleanse my heart with clarity
This will be the end if we don’t persist

I’ll open up the void for you
As you descend into my core you will see
The world I made begins to burn
From hatred and disdain I’ll die
Silently

Moments in time will disappear
When blood runs dry I’ll never heal
Emotions die when you are near
I’ll close my eyes and face my fears

Cross my heart and hope to die / I can see it in your eyes / You’re just gonna leave me here
As I lay myself to wake / I don’t know if I can take / losing self control for you
Track Name: Be Alive
You hide behind a gate
A ring of keys to break
With claim to dissociate
Only to instigate

I don’t care how bad I’ve hurt
Be Alive
I don’t care how bad I’ve hurt
Be Alive (x3)

No one knows the truth
No one’s abusing you
Manipulate the youth
Keep them all confused

I don’t care how bad I’ve hurt
Be Alive
I don’t care how bad I’ve hurt
Be Alive (x3)

Be alive (x2)

Be alive (x4)
Track Name: 0% Angel
It’s taking over me
It’s taking everything I have
To keep myself from wanting to be apart of you

Inside my ailing mind
I bribe myself to think that
I am made for you what can I do for us to make it through

I know it’s hard to see / The wounds inside of me
I’m hiding underneath all my suffering
And even if I cry / I’ll never close my eyes
To see through all the lies you bestowed to me

When all is clarity / the hate you gave to me
With all sincerity hurts like a disease
The wings that brought you here / will take you far and near
But you will always be no angel to me

You fill me with distrust
I’m writhing in disgust as I
Am told another person has loved you till it hurt

I want to seep inside
I want to sleep beside you when
Your heart depends on stranger’s touch just to feel alive

I know it’s hard to see / The wounds inside of me
I’m hiding underneath all my suffering
And even if I cry / I’ll never close my eyes
To see through all the lies you bestowed to me

When all is clarity / the hate you gave to me
With all sincerity hurts like a disease
The wings that brought you here / will take you far and near
But you will always be no angel to me
Track Name: Puzzle Heart (feat. 初音ミク)
Be not broken
I have a puzzle heart
Left unsolved I
Pray you tear it apart
It’s fulfillment
My dark abysmal start

All my nightmares
Show my eternal pain
Devastation
Eating away my brain
With no victims / Who can I really blame

Twisting, turning / I am searching high and low
Locks and keys prevent me from letting go
Through this maze discover my failing heart
Did you make it out / Please tell me how

Try to fight it
It’s a confusing maze
Wall to wall a
Paranoia keeps you sane
Look at all the
Demons I have hid away

I can’t help you
I’m off and gone again
At my core I
Know it is not the end
All my ailing / Turn to oblivion

Twisting, turning / I am searching high and low
Locks and keys prevent me from letting go
Through this maze discover my failing heart
Did you make it out / Please tell me how

(Repeat Chorus)
Track Name: Destruction Of Us
I don’t mind / being underneath you
If you need something to do / I am ready to be used
I don’t mind / being overwhelmed
You can hurt me to the core / I’ll always ask you for more

I don’t mind / taking all your rage
You’ve been down this road before / It’s my job to misbehave
I don’t mind / taking all the blame
You assert the dominance / I will always know my place

When you do these things to me / Who am I supposed to be
If I don’t reciprocate / Will you let my body break

You don’t mind / being underneath me
If I need something to do / you’ll be waiting at the boot
You don’t mind / being overwhelmed
I won’t hurt you like before / You’ll be pleading on the floor

You don’t mind / taking all my rage
I’ll go down this road again / just to let you feel the pain
You don’t mind / taking all the blame
As you serve your master well / You will always know your place

When you do these things to me / Who am I supposed to be
If I don’t reciprocate / Will you let my body break
Track Name: Cyst
On a highway
Through a memory
Take my heart to
A kingdom falling down

Dragging my feet
Through the ruins
Give me something
To feel the pain again

Why do I / feel like this
You told me how / My pain was missed
You cut me off / Like a cyst
As I detach / I won’t resist

Heavy eyelids
Hide my weakness
I’ve forgotten
Now I sleep alone

Held in amber
With my bloodline
Spoiled parts of me
Sever off the growths

Why do I / feel like this
You told me how / My pain was missed
You cut me off / Like a cyst
As I detach / I won’t resist

(Repeat Chorus)
Track Name: Bullet
It’s not goodnight
This is goodbye
I cannot promise
I’ll see the light
I will miss you
With all my heart
I’ll give you now
To tear apart

I know a place / Inside of me
That I never want to be
I needed time / How can’t you see
Something is taking over me
This is the end / I don’t believe
There is anything for me
Into the dark / final retreat
I’ll take the bullet through my teeth

When you grieve
Do you believe
All your tears
Will summon me
By space around
That should be
With lungs of stone
I forgot to breathe

I know a place / Inside of me
That I never want to be
I needed time / How can’t you see
Something is taking over me
This is the end / I don’t believe
There is anything for me
Into the dark / final retreat
I’ll take the bullet through my teeth

(Repeat Chorus)
Track Name: Immurement
Take a look at me
Inside the glass
Tell me what you see
Behind the mask

Take a look at me
With blurry eyes
Erase the purity
Encased in lies

Immure me
Kill me from inside
Immure me
I’ve got nothing left to hide

Take a look at me
My guard is down
Did you ever think
I’d wear the crown

Don’t get close to me
You mustn’t touch
My fragility
An ailing crutch

Immure me
Kill me from inside
Immure me
I’ve got nothing left to hide
Track Name: In Your Arms
When we first met / i fell apart
You carved the words / inside my heart
It hurts to breathe / when I’m alone
It hurts to be / unknown

We’ve got our own grave / with both names / It’s do or die
I can’t hear you / but I can feel you / you’re by my side
To feel the time move / the hues that paint you / you can’t hide
We’ve got our own grave / with both names / it’s you and I

Somehow, somewhere / it’s in the air
I’m in your arms / I’m in your care
Across the floor / our hearts are strewn
Exchanging touch / my wounds are sewn

We’ve got our own grave / with both names / It’s do or die
I can’t hear you / but I can feel you / you’re by my side
To feel the time move / the hues that paint you / you can’t hide
We’ve got our own grave / with both names / it’s you and I

Every night / I try to reach you / There's never a reply
If there's a way / I can see you / I am ready to die

We’ve got our own grave / with both names / It’s do or die
(It’s do or die)
I can’t hear you / but I can feel you / you’re by my side
(you’re by my side)
To feel the time move / the hues that paint you / you can’t hide
(you can’t hide)
We’ve got our own grave / with both names / it’s you and I
(it’s you and I)
Track Name: Died On The Land
In the trees the bird sings
Melancholy, reminiscing
Where the landscape used to be

In the dying embers
Lay the ashen part of me
On the surface I am weak

Do you ever notice
If you close your eyes and listen
You can hear our mother cry

All the pain she’s feeling
With the wounds that never heal
What will you do to make this right

For you it comes so easily
This flesh before you gave to me
My planet watched my mother breathe
They soon took my identity

All that I’ve earned so patiently
The earth turns cold so they can see
This work undone to vacancy
You took so much, give it back to me
Track Name: Home
Can you feel it
Without meaning
Or emotions
Your kisses lie
I can see it
Always lifeless
You drift away from mine

Three words
You would tell me
It’s clear to see
Giving hatred
You don’t have to be
Someone else for me

I’m tired / of feeling / I’m nothing / compared to you
I need to get out of here / I don’t know what to do
I’ll run to / the edge of / my sanity
They look in / the mirror / the way I look at you

Your attention
And affection
As a memory
I beg to keep
Pulling my strings
Giving orders
Now you can clearly see

I was porcelain
In my nature
Dying vacantly
When you broke me
Into pieces
You got the best of me

I’m tired / of feeling / I’m nothing / compared to you
I need to get out of here / I don’t know what to do
I’ll run to / the edge of / my sanity
They look in / the mirror / the way I look at you

(Repeat Chorus)
Track Name: Anguish
Into a form
My skin will fade
After the storm
The white air stays

It covers the house
To keep them inside
The water sounds
As my feet glide

It ends right here if you go away
All your memories become an object
It ends right here if you go away
Like my father did / don’t leave me crying
(x2)

To be confined
I’m kept secure
What’s happening
Is not to me

I’m out numbered
By those who feel
I wonder how
It’s like to be real

It ends right here if you go away
All your memories become an object
It ends right here if you go away
Like my father did / don’t leave me crying
(x2)

(Repeat Chorus)
Track Name: Bloodletting
CRY...

Hypocrite

You complicate / To recommit
I lacerate / For innocence
The first and last / No one escapes
Carry the mask / For your mistakes

We’ll burn the sky / Distort the view
I’ll wear the blood / You’ll wear the wounds
Let’s clear the dust / Of me and you
Mouth full of glass / Can’t see the truth

Armed to the teeth

I’ll avenge / Your pain to me
Without a voice / Don’t try to scream
Destroying me / Is not a choice
A thousand times / Is not enough

You burned my eyes . Now I can see
I’ve seen a god / But Hell is you
What do you mean / You’re in distress
I thought you meant / To rest in peace

Give your hate to me
So I can finally breathe
(x4)

WHY...
Track Name: Not Dead Yet
Where am I
How did I get here
Who are you
You’re from the future

Did I live
Where are the people
What’s the time
Are you the reaper

Promise me / you will see
The pain you brought everyone around me
To your goodbye / to your regrets
You still have time / you’re not dead yet
(x2)

Don’t forget
This is genocide
Give back their prayers
You can make this right

From the light
There are no survivors
They will visit
But they can’t hear you

Promise me / you will see
The pain you brought everyone around me
To your goodbye / to your regrets
You still have time / you’re not dead yet
(x2)

You’re not dead yet (x4)

(Repeat Chorus)
Track Name: I Want To Hurt You
When the time comes
My light leaves
I’ll descend
Till you can’t see

When the time comes
They’ll take me
Where the fire
Took my family

More than anyone / I want to hurt you
More than anything / I want to hurt you
(x2)

When the times comes
Pull me deeper
In the water
They will cleanse me

When the time comes
I’ll see through
You can’t hurt me
I can hurt you

More than anyone / I want to hurt you
More than anything / I want to hurt you
(x2)

(Repeat Chorus)
Track Name: Whip
I’m secure
When you tie me up
You’re obsessed
With these chains of lust

To satisfy
I don’t need a ring
I’m hypnotized
As I cry and scream

I’m on my knees / Will you make me yours
I bite my lip / Behind the closed doors
I will be good / For bruises and sores
You’ll break me down / I’ll always endure

The coldest touch
Burns my flesh
I feel your voice
Upon my neck

To crave your lips
I’m on the cusp
I won’t get my way
As the leather cuts

I’m on my knees / Will you make me yours
I bite my lip / Behind the closed doors
I will be good / For bruises and sores
You’ll break me down / I’ll always endure

(Repeat Chorus)

I’m on my knees
Will you make me yours
Track Name: Hornet
I can hear
The voices of
My ruined past
I want it back

I can feel
The hands of time
Turning back
To save my life

I can see
The fading light
I’m out of here
I need to fight

I can taste
My bloodied mouth
Upon the blade
That cut me out

I can smell
The scent of fear
Did you think
You’d see me here

I can heal...
Track Name: Make It Right (feat. 滲音かこい)
Every night
I look out the window
With no reason
The sorrow held you

Did you think
The light within you
Could reflect
What mirrors give you

正しくやりたい
I want to make it right
I want to make it right
(x4)

I start to hope
You’ll make it through this
Please wake up
You have to do it

With all these terms
And new conditions
Are you afraid
To make commitment

正しくやりたい
I want to make it right
I want to make it right
(x4)

I want to make it right
(x4)

(Repeat Chorus)
Track Name: Sanctum Of Ash
In the rise and fall
Of your dying breath
I still feel you trapped beneath me
And I need you now

As you cut my flesh
I am coming undone
And I know that there is
No easy way out

With my open wounds
You will bleed me dry
As I break myself I know
At least I tried

Time will smooth me out
Down to ash and dust
All the weight is lifted
As my memory rusts

Let me be the shards
Scattered through your past
I will pull you through the fragments
That kept me attached

Just let me go...
Track Name: I Did It All For You
In a field of flowers / I will pass the time
Counting all the reasons / I must say goodbye
With my heart in ruins / All the roses die
I will make it through this / And I’ll tell you why

You showed me dying / can be beautiful
When the clock stops moving / and the earth is full
Both my eyes are drenched in darkness / i’ll no longer see
All the things that hurt me / I’ll no longer breathe

I can feel the sunlight / Leave the atmosphere
Everything around / Slowly disappeared
I will not forget you / Now I’m on my own
All my pain lie dormant / I will let you know

You showed me dying / can be beautiful
When the clock stops moving / and the earth is full
Both my eyes are drenched in darkness / i’ll no longer see
All the things that hurt me / I’ll no longer breathe

I wouldn’t be here / If it wasn’t for you
I couldn’t be there / To save yourself from you
Now my wings feel heavy / but i have to prove
This is all or nothing / This is all for you / I did it for you

You showed me dying / can be beautiful
When the clock stops moving / and the earth is full
Both my eyes are drenched in darkness / i’ll no longer see
All the things that hurt me / I’ll no longer breathe

You showed me dying / can be beautiful
When the clock stops moving / and the earth is full
Both your eyes have closed to sleep now / You are finally free
Nothing left to hurt you / may you rest in peace

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